Please Tell Me It’s Just a Bad Dream
Is it just me or did we all wake up in the year 2020 in a frightening, futuristic movie about surviving a global pandemic? I mean, I watched Contagion so please tell me this is just a bad dream! This kind of summarizes how I have felt since that day in March when we were all told to stay home, self-distance, self-isolate, sanitize everything all the time and only go out for essential items. Toilet paper took on a new value, hand sanitizer was the commodity no one could get enough of, flour and yeast became the “must have” ingredients before the world shut down. Tell me that doesn’t sound like a scary movie.
The words COVID-19 will forever be etched in my mind and will give rise to a wave of emotions like fear, despair, sadness, frustration, anger, empathy and then subside into feelings of humility and gratitude – because my family and I are here, we are healthy, we are safe.
2020: A Year We Will Never Forget
This is one of those defining times in our history that will never be forgotten. I think about the countless lives COVID-19 has taken and the number of people it has impacted. Today, over 1.15 million people have died and there are more than 40 million cases of coronavirus across the world. (source).
Too many people have lost their loved ones and never had the chance to say goodbye. So many are grieving the loss of their job, their business, their classroom or their home. For some there is no place to call home where they can feel safe; and for others being alone, at a time like this, is too much to bear and their mental pain is often unseen and unheard.
How Will This Moment Define Me?
I am one of the lucky ones. I have my job to be thankful for. My family is safe, healthy and we are grateful everyday. So with all this good fortune, why is it that I was often feeling out of control, fearful and grief-stricken? I think it’s because of all the uncertainty and not knowing if or when our lives will ever go back to “normal”. I knew that had to take control over my thoughts and change my perspective. I had to find a way to give this year in our lives some meaning, learn from it and hopefully grow from it. So I asked myself the question “How will I let this moment define me?” Here is what I have learned so far.
Gratitude is a Choice
This experience has taught me to practice gratitude every day. I am thankful for the big things, the small things and everything in between. I appreciate people in a whole new way. Our frontline workers, those who work in the service industry, our teachers, family, friends. I am so grateful for them and everything they do to make our lives better.
I Am Perfectly Imperfect
This time has taught me to see myself in a different light. At first I thought I could do it all without skipping a beat. After all I am an organized goal-driven, wife and mom, with a full-time career. Surely I could work, teach and parent all at the same time? Well it went something like this:
Day 1- “We will need a schedule for work and for school. We’ll stick to the schedule, it’ll be fine”.
Day 2 – “I will tweak the schedule just a little, I’ve got this!”.
Day 3 – “I really should loosen up this schedule to give the kids some more free time so I can work”.
Day 4 – “What schedule? There’s a schedule?”.
Day 5 – “WHAT THE BLEEPING *!!**&!!”
Over the next few weeks my self-esteem took a hit and I started to think “I am a terrible parent.” I went from high-functioning to barely coherent. I kept yelling at my kids to let me work, I fed them too much processed food and I became increasingly grateful for their iPads.
Fast forward a few months and I have learned that I can juggle a career, parenting and home-schooling during a time of crisis. It’s not perfect and on some days it can be a bit of a circus, but who ever said I needed to be perfect during a freakin pandemic? Today, I strive for resilience, forgiveness, patience and self-love. (a little disclaimer: I am not ashamed to admit that I used a combination of meditation, Doritos and ice cream to manage my stress – please do not judge)
We Are In This Together
I have heard this often and it bears repeating. We are in this together! I have learned to never underestimate the power of personal connection. A quick text message or FaceTime to tell someone you are thinking of them can mean a lot. I have connected with family and friends that I hadn’t spoken to in years, because there was never enough time…which leads me to my last insight.
I Will Make Time
I thrive on making lists and keeping things organized and I have a drawer full of post-its to prove it. I am learning this is not the only way to live and I have my children to thank. My lists and schedules just don’t work for them. They want a snack when they are hungry and they need to go potty when I am in the middle of a Zoom call for work. This year has been the toughest on them and they need me to be present, now more than ever. Sometimes that means throwing away my list so we can go play, bake cookies or make slime! (#ewww #alsokindofcool).
Our lives changed overnight, so the most important lesson I will take from 2020, is to live in the moment with gratitude in my heart.
